How I approach working with people-pleasing
Many people live with people-pleasing unrecognized — sometimes for years. The more you tend to others’ needs, the easier it is to lose sight of your own, leaving you depleted and unsure where you end and others begin.
This page offers a closer look at what people-pleasing can feel like, where it often begins, and how therapy might help.
What does people-pleasing feel like?
You might notice:
A knot of guilt or tension when you even think about saying “no.”
Thoughts that others’ needs matter more than your own and that keeping the peace is your responsibility
Exhaustion or resentment in relationships, as your energy goes into caring for others with little left for yourself.
Not everyone’s experience looks the same. Your version of this may be subtle, loud, situational, or lifelong. All of it is valid.
Where does it come from?
People-pleasing can emerge from a number of places:
Early relationships where love or approval felt tied to being “good,” helpful, or agreeable.
Past experiences of conflict or rejection, where keeping others happy became a way to stay safe.
Cultural, gender, or family expectations that reward selflessness and discourage speaking up for your own needs.
You don’t have to know why it’s there — we can explore that together, gently.
How therapy can support you with people-pleasing
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Understanding and naming what’s going on
Putting words to your emotional and physical experiences can help reduce overwhelm and increase clarity.
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Making sense of patterns that once kept you safe
Exploring how past coping strategies developed, and how they might be showing up now in ways that no longer serve you.
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Reconnecting with your own needs and values
Shifting attention back toward what matters to you, so your choices feel less about obligation and more about alignment with your authentic self.