Therapy for perfectionism
For some, perfectionism runs deeper than achievement — it’s tied to being a certain kind of person. Someone who is generous, composed, and never lets others down. Falling short can stir not just disappointment, but shame — the feeling that you are bad, not what you did.
You might notice that mistakes feel unacceptable for you, even though you readily forgive others. You may strive to be endlessly patient, kind, and capable, yet underneath there’s a constant hum of pressure — a belief that if you let the mask slip, you’ll be exposed as unworthy.
This page offers a closer look at what perfectionism can feel like, where it often begins, and how therapy can help you cultivate a gentler, more balanced way of being.
What does perfectionism feel like?
You might notice:
An inner voice that’s rarely satisfied. Praise feels fleeting, and mistakes can echo for days.
A quiet pressure to be good. You may hold yourself to high standards of kindness, patience, or composure — and feel guilty when you fall short.
Tension that never fully settles. Your body or mind may stay on alert, even when you try to rest.
Uneven balance in relationships. You might avoid burdening others or take on more than your share to keep harmony.
Not everyone’s experience looks the same. Your version of this may be subtle, loud, situational, or lifelong. All of it is valid.
Where does it come from?
Perfectionism can emerge from a number of places:
Early experiences of love or approval feeling conditional. You may have learned that being good, helpful, or successful was the way to stay connected or avoid criticism.
Family roles that required you to hold things together. Perhaps you became the reliable one — the peacemaker, the achiever, or the emotional anchor for others
Gendered and cultural expectations. Many women and gender-diverse people are taught to be selfless, composed, and accommodating — messages that can make it hard to rest or express needs.
You don’t have to know why it’s there — we can explore that together, gently.
How therapy can support you with perfectionism
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Understanding and naming what’s going on
Exploring the internal landscape of perfectionism can help you begin to understand yourself with more clarity. In therapy, we make space to notice the emotions, expectations, and quiet rules that guide how you move through the world — and to begin discovering what truly matters to you beneath them.
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Making sense of patterns that once kept you safe
Together, we look at how striving, self-criticism, or taking on responsibility for others may have once helped you feel secure or valued — and how these same strategies might now make it harder to feel authentic or connected.
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Developing a new way of relating to yourself
Therapy can become a space to support the qualities that reflect psychological health: the ability to know yourself with honesty, to stay connected to others without abandoning yourself, to hold mixed or conflicting feelings without panic or shame, to be flexible rather than rigid with your own expectations, and to offer yourself a measure of kindness.